Just for You - A Personal Message

Chapter Extract

'From the greatest sorrow comes the greatest knowledge.

It is though you had learned a great many languages, for you

can now understand all whom you meet. Comfort as a rule can

only come from him who has himself been comforted. No man

who has never wept can wipe away the tears of his fellows.'

Adrienne Sarti (Writer and philosopher)


   When life hits hard, it can suddenly seem cruel, lonely and devoid of any meaning and purpose. ‘Why has this happened to us, we’ve done nothing wrong?’ And, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’ are often repeated questions. On the roller-coaster journey of life the highs of the enjoyable moments are easy to cope with, but the lows of despair, in most cases are not.

   I am taking the liberty of assuming that some personal trauma, or series of traumas, has hit you hard in the past or quite recently, and caused you some degree of mental anguish or suffering when your world collapsed around you. And also that you are trying to pick up the pieces, come to terms with life and get back to some form of ‘normality’.

   Over the years, often with hugs amidst the tears, I have tried to comfort some of those who have been devastated by personal traumas and tragedies, particularly when they struck suddenly. Many cannot believe what has happened let alone try to understand. Often there is an open disbelief in a God of love because of their grief, whilst others feel they are being punished by God or a devil, for one reason or another.

   Love and compassion will compel us to put a comforting arm around the shoulders of those who are suffering trauma or grief, and try to dry their tears and answer their questions with some form of wisdom and logic that they can grasp. They may well be a loved one, neighbour, friend, acquaintance or even a complete stranger. The Absolute works through compassionate people – that is the true meaning of unconditional Love.

   So, let’s have a look at, and try to comprehend, some of the many traumas of life that can cause havoc with our emotions:

  • The collapse of a business and financial ruin.
  • The death of a loved one, husband or wife, mother or father, son or daughter (baby, child or teenager) from any cause.
  • The death of a much loved pet.
  • Giving birth to a stillborn baby.
  • Giving birth to a handicapped baby.
  • Having a child mentally or physically crippled by a virus or an accident.
  • Suffering physical violence.
  • Being raped.
  • Suffering sexual abuse as a child.
  • Having one’s home broken into, burgled and vandalised.
  • Having the marital problems of unfaithfulness or divorce.
  • Being left paralysed or disfigured after an accident or stroke.
  • Being diagnosed with a terminal or debilitating illness.
  • Having a loved one go missing.
  • Having one’s home and family devastated by a hurricane, tsunami, flood, earthquake or war.

   Many have more than one of such traumas and tragedies devastate them within a short period of time. Needless to say they become changed people and, whilst some are scarred for life by their experiences, the fortunate ones see it as a purging effect to rearrange their priorities. Most never see life from the same perspective again and mundane material problems no longer seem important. What does it matter if the washing machine leaks or the garden fence is broken? And that argument with the neighbours last week seems so childish and pointless now. 


   Time is a great healer, and most do come through these dark periods, often with regrets and many an ‘if only’, but life, as we know, must, and does, carry on. The rest of the world goes about its business whilst we wallow in our own

misery and grief.

   Eventually, the vast majority do pick up the threads of some normality again and find that acceptance of the situation and a good dose of TLC from family and friends are two of the best recipes towards recovery. Many find that the circumstances leave them with a greater degree of inner strength, wisdom, sensitivity and humility than before, thereby enabling them to help and counsel others in a similar predicament. Having said all that, let me put a consoling arm around your shoulder, trusting that the assembled pieces of our jigsaw have helped you to understand that life and, particularly death, are not pointless in the great scheme of things. I would like to talk to you now about some of the most traumatic and emotional circumstances in life's rich tapestry.


The Death of a Partner

   If you have lost a loving partner, particularly after many years together, and are trying to comes to terms and coping with living on your own, then you will have suffered one of life's most traumatic experiences that very few of us will escape from. It is a sad fact of life that with ......."